mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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