He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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