Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
