trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
