Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
