I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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