I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
