there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
