fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
