So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
