for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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