the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
