direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
