it was like his penis was on wheels.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
