oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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