sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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