Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
