i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
