You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
