Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize