a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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