I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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