CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
