I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
