That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just pynch a tree in the face
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
