I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
