Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
