scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
