when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
