the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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