Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
