How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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