She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
