my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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