I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
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I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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