Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
