I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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