She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
