I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
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Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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