Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
