my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
