apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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