How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
