and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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