I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
