she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
