I'm really into asian looking animals
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What a dumb baby whore.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
