How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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