went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
