you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
