There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Mom said you looked used
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
