I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
