Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
