My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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