I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
