Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
