He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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