would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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