New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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