please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Maybe he injected his testicle?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
