i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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