We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
