i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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