Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Do vagina's smell?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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