i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
