he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
