all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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