drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
