I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
